Ireland to Vote Again

It has been announced that the EU has agreed that Ireland will hold another referendum on the Lisbon Treaty.

Brian Cowen, the Irish Taoiseach, standing with EU leaders after a summit in Brussels, announced to members of the press:

"It's quite absurd that the people in this country can actually influence the decision-making process. It's crucial that in the people of Ireland have the chance to correct their mistakes."

He continued, "In a functioning democracy, it's essential that mechanisms are in place to overcome the administrative hurdle of people actually voting.

"Is that right?" he asked, turning to the EU President.

José Manuel Barroso, questioned on his perogative for supporting a new referendum, added, "I think we should all stop interfering in Ireland and just let them be free to have another vote rammed down their throats."

It is understood that several cast-iron promises have been made to Ireland to satiate its concerns with the Treaty.

Cowen stated, "We can definitively guarantee that Ireland will benefit from a number of real compromises that the generous leaders of the European Union have confirmed they will support, out of the goodness of their hearts.

"These promises haven't just been made up on the spot to make you think we're getting something out of it. Absolutely not.

"I have already procured an extra large Christmas hamper and unlimited access to Nicholas Sarkozy's wonderful prostitute. Wife, I mean. Nom nom nom, I think you'll all agree."