Brown Promises Iraq Pull-Out

After talks with Iraqi leaders, Gordon Brown has confirmed that British troops will have left Iraq before August 2009.

The Prime Minister stated that operations were already reducing in number and that troops would begin to withdraw in the early months of next year.

"Britain can be truly proud of its legacy in Iraq. The competence and efficiency with which we have systematically destroyed this place has been highly impressive," he announced.

However, the Prime Minister came under intense scrutiny from several Iraqi journalists at the press conference, who referred to the widespread destruction the invasion was purported to have caused.

"Er . . . . Iraq is now a democracy!" he replied.
"You have the blood of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis on your hands, Mr. Brown!"
"Didn't you hear me, you pesky cretin? Democracy!!! Democracy!!!"

The Prime Minister's sentiments were echoed by Iraqi Prime Minister Punch and Deputy Minister Judy.

Said Punch, "We pay tribute to the thousands of soldiers who have bravely fought to defend our land from the chronic vices of self-determination."

"We also thank the leaders of Western multinational corporations for selflessly lining their pockets by generously monopolising Iraqi resources."

Added Judy, "We are also grateful to the leaders of Britain and the USA for rigging those -"

"No, no!" cried the Prime Minister.

"- oh, sorry! Yes, I mean for bringing democracy to Iraq."

"This is definitely the right time to withdraw. I am delighted with the state of stability we have engendered," the Prime Minister concluded.

Sadly, the press conference was cut short as a car bomb erupted nearby.