Sunday 8 February 2009

Jade Cancer Shock

Health officials today issued a warning over the rampant cancer colloquially referred to as "Jade".

In a detailed report, Jade was declared a highly infectious and dangerous disease.

A Health Department adviser commented:

"Jade is spreading fast, and poses a serious risk to the mental health of the population.

"The virus is beginning to gnaw away at the fragmented carcass of press integrity, and has infected over 15 billion column inches this week alone.

"Even visual contact with Jade has been observed to induce symptoms of disgust, including severe vomiting.

"We advise that the public exempt themselves fully from possible exposure with Jade."

A representative for Jade issued the following statement:

"Honk-honk."

6 comments:

  1. This is exactly the same as your X-Factor post, just with the word "Jade" substituted in.

    Find a new comic book.

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  2. Insensitive and puerile.

    A relatively uneducated member of the proletariat she may be, but if this bile is all that your erudite self can give the world, my empathy doesn't lie with you.

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  3. It is ill advised to speak ill of the dead or dying

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  4. James Smith:

    Despite my irascible literary persona, I don't actually wish her death. I don't really care either way. What concerns me is the disturbing amount of attention that is given to her, at a time when half the media agencies won't even pluck up the guts to advertise the plight of Palestinian children.

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  5. I try mariti:
    It isn't particularly nice to make fun of the dying. In case you haven't noticed everyone does know about the plight of the Palestinian children but no-one seemed to care about the plight of the Israelis who had to endure years of rocket attacks.
    James Smith:
    Your empathy shouldn't be lying with anyone, that's your sympathy. I don't see what justification you have for calling Goody a prole, you seem like a novus homo trying to pretend you're on a higher social plane to me.

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  6. It wasn't malicious, though there's no doubt that the world will be a better place without her. The fewer gutter-press photographers there are biting at her heels every day of the week and clogging up the press the better; in fact, the focus of the article was meant to be on the undue attention she's received.

    She's just another person; who cares? 25,000 people die every day from starvation.

    Everyone knows about the rocket attacks, aswell, Krishan. They should focus more on the Palestinians' plight, given it's greater.

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