Obama Deified

Billions of people watched in awe today as Barack Obarmy was officially made a God.

Thousands of sheep breathlessly attended the ceremony at the Ministry of Abstract Nouns in Washington's National Mall, where Obarmy gave an emotional speech to mark his elevation to immortal status.

Guests to the event ranged from Obarmy's family including his two daughters, Hope and Change, and celebrities such as Jesus Christ and Zeus.

During Obarmy's speech, guests were delighted as the clouds of heav'n parted and a snow-white dove low'd down from the sky.

As he took his oath, the Lincoln Memorial was shaken to its foundations as the statue of Abraham Lincoln came to life to congratulate Obarmy on his superhuman status.

The deification process itself happened after the ritual sacrifice of Democracy, Peace and Justice at the altar of Capitalism, to the satisfaction of Obarmy's benefactors from Financial institutions.

The Holy Spirit also expressed its content at the affair, describing itself as "well pleased".

As Obarmy was elevated into the ethereal realms, moderate rains suddenly broke out in Saharan Africa, and desolate farm lands sprouted with the finest produce. Farmers rejoiced and affirmed that world starvation was at an end.

Further, Palestinians and Israelis crossed the Occupied Territories to embrace each other and agree an eternal peace deal, pledging to never again resort to violent dispute.

Even more miraculously, scientists working on the cure for cancer, AIDS and Malaria reported that they had discovered reliable and effective cures to all three diseases, and that worldwide plague would soon be eradicated.

Obarmy's exit was marked with the historic conclusion: "God bless us, every one*!"


(Except the poor, and those who oppose American hegemony.)